my brain keeps self-owning using time.

your time is too valuable for that, dont do it!
you shouldve done this earlier, its too late now!
you dont need to do this yet, wait until later!
you dont have the time for this, itll take too long!
last time you tried this you failed!
last time you tried this you were so much better!
it wont last long anyway, so why even bother?
you can still do that next time!
yes its nice, but itll be over soon!
itll be over too quickly, dont even go!
youve spent so much time on this, you must finish it!

this and many more are what i think about many activities and situations. time is one of my biggest enemies. it is often used for coercion, it is a measurement that shouldnt, a technology the opposite of morally neutral. a number. truly if you asked me for my most behated concepts, time would be one of them.

nostalgia is rarely a friendly emotion. most of the time it comes to tell you one of the above, to create a yearning for the past that never existed. it hijacks your thoughts and often makes you think youre doing something wrong, like social media but for the self. how dare you not have a life so perfect anymore! how dare you not have a life so fictional anymore!

thinking about the past, by itself, is usually fine, luckily.

thinking about the future is often less fine, though. most of it is not really worth thinking about except to set goals, but you dont necessarily need the future for that. the main thing you need the future for is to worry: worry itll take too long, worry itll be over soon, worry its too late, worry your time is too valuable to be doing whimsical things, or any things at all! - or worry about whats to come.
it also often acts as a scapegoat: i dont need to do it now, i dont need to, i have the future where i can do it instead! (but actually ill do it never!) ill write it on my todo list!
worst of all it can act as pressure: only 1 day left until the pain begins. if you dont do this, youre going to suffer.

but you need to think about the future sometimes. you cannot do some things if you stay purely in the present. planning needs to be done sometimes, as much as it pains me.

the future can also hold much hope, but usually thats not how we use it. i have learned to use it as a source of hope at least sometimes, and it has shifted my perspective on the future as a concept; but it's still a big point of self-torment even with that.