i am feeling suffering. i do not know precisely why, but i think most of it is that people have been telling me about mistakes ive allegedly made today. i am so fucking done with that.

if i had no sense of self-preservation, i would say a lot of things right now, but i will instead leave the reader guessing as to what severity it is.

i am closing fedi for today. notifications off. i disconnect for now. i am done for today. i have been done for yesterday. no more. no entry. not into my head, not into my notifications. no entry.

social media.

you just dont get this type of horror from chat platforms. you get it from discord, but that is social media. you do not get it from chat platforms. this hell requires a way to introduce your thoughts to others without your will and a way for their thoughts to come back to you without your will. today i have been catapulted into this hell by my boredom, and the effect is that i am reminded why i quit discord and why i had a long time where i didnt open fedi.

that time returns. fedi will have to find my selves or get lost. the occasional pastagang post is the most i will do, if that.

the twitter problem does not require an algorithm, it only needs a way to force you to read the thoughts people have in response to yours when you didnt ask them and didnt explicitly choose for them to even know your thoughts.

this is also why i dont like sharing my blog with people who i know in real life. i cannot just leave them on read when i dont want to know their shitty opinion on what i wrote, what i think, or what i am.

fuck this dynamic.