poetry is hard.

stringing words together in a way that both sounds good, gets a point across, and has a nice rhythm and rhyme is unbelievably hard. tonight i tried it and while i was very thorough and i think it is the best i was able to come up with, i am still not very satisfied with the result. the flow is often broken, its rhymes are inconsistent, it doesnt get the point across as well as i would like, and its got some very forced stuff in it (e.g. "nor sleeping tight"). i wouldnt usually say that, but it was the only way i could resolve the rhyme.

that pisses me off.

but i will try again. i will try again and again and again and again and i will kill the part that cringes and i kill it and kill it and kill it and kill it again until it cannot fuck with me anymore.

really, what i wrote there boils down to my usual evening blues: i feel a thirst for more creation but cant find anything i want to create. but in writing it down, i have created something, so it was a lie that i couldnt find something to create. i then used the word "never" (as in: there is never an end to thoughts and creation), but noticed that was actually a lie: life is not forever, so there is actually an end. but: once life is gone, so is the ability to call out this lie, so functionally creation is forever.

i wish i couldve done it better. i wish it was just flowing out of my mind in perfect rhymes whenever i wanted, but this will be good enough because i fucking say so and because it is so so much more than nothing or anything ive done before. it could be so much better, but fuck me if i didnt do more than all the billions who never tried at all.