i have nothing left to code.

this is a surprisingly new problem for me to have, but i am at a point where i am done with all projects i care about and am lacking any inconveniences big enough to want to code something to fix them. everything is done (either finished or abandoned).

bombai works well, it doesnt crash anymore, there is nothing left to do.
revpfw3 works well, it doesnt crash, there is nothing left to do.
itemse2 works alright, it does its job, and i barely even use it anymore, there is nothing left to do.
horrorhttp works well, there is nothing left to do.
infraconv is where i want it to be, there is nothing left to do for now.
baseband is dying from restrictions that are out of my control, it does not have a usecase for me because i dont play anarchy at the moment, there is nothing left to do for now.
poxy is dead, it tried to be too much and i do not care to finish it, there is nothing left to do.
most things in my infrastructure work fine, i dont need to fix or improve them, there is nothing to do.

there is nothing left to do.

it makes me a bit sad. i kind of want to work on what poxy should have been, but the best i can do in that regard is likely a completely different architecture i do not want to develop right now as i have no energy to start a big project i dont have a concrete need for.

i could make a fedi client, but i dont really like fedi that much anymore. the twitter model is kind of flawed, as is most social media. the issue is i dont know what else is better. i used to find a lot of things on discord, but i dont use discord anymore.

i have no more ways of discovering people in large numbers.

fedi and matrix exist, but i dont really use either and dont like the way they work. they do not feel like something that i truly own. i own this website, and i mostly own my deltachat chats; that is mostly it.

i want to discover more people to interact with, but i am at the same time glad to find myself more bored more often. discord really did swallow a lot of both my time and my words, which it can now no longer do - but i want something to eat my words to replace it. writing into the void feels quite useless, if not pointless - except i know its not the void, some people read it; but not enough. it is not enough. i remain trapped in a world where what i do is uninteresting to almost everyone. i dont even know why i care, but it feels exceptionally awful to never interact further than a few words at a time. it is unbelievably boring, because my entertainment are words, and i cannot always entertain myself with that of my own making.

i could do acts other than typing or speaking, but even those would be in solitude for the vast majority of the time, which means i continue to have no external feedback loops, only the internal ones which have a track record of hurting others, though i am doubtful they will hurt me beyond boredom.

unfortunately though, nobody has time to care.

there is nothing left to do.
all entertainment is boring or taboo,
or ceases to be real and true.

i hope this isnt what the death of deaths feels like.