i dont think i want to be able to plan. planning is the future and the future is both fake and the place where anxiety lives. i also cannot feel bad about things that i did in the past if i consider the past to not be within the present (which i think is also just logically obvious). the only downside to living in the present is that i cannot plan, which is actually very nice because when i plan i have to abandon possible futures that i want to live, which is most of them. the problem is that capitalism forces planning. if i do not plan, i cannot do anything of significant complexity unless i wing it to a degree many people hate because they do planning.

but i want to wing it, even if that means i will be unreliable.

nonplanners can interact with eachother quite easily. planners can interact with eachother quite easily too, but not with nonplanners. society, being mostly made from planners, thus forces nonplanners to adapt to function properly. but i do not want to do that when i can somehow avoid it. the only upside to it is that others do it too. and i am not particularly fond of doing things for such pointless reasons.

i do not know what comes next and i do not want to pretend i do. i do not want to force future me into a box it does not want to be in. i do not want to plan what i do not know i will want.