a few minutes ago, my self was despair.

it has gotten better.

one may call it mood swings, but i dont like that term.

nonetheless, it might have some things to say.

it went away after taking a nap.
i am a polyphasic sleeper, which means i sleep less in total but i sleep many times a day, in my case 5.5h total over 3 naps and 1 long sleep.
maybe this is related. i havent been on this schedule for a while and only recently picked it back up. it has been going okay for the most part, but from past adaptations i know that the sleep deprivation that can (TEMPORARILY) happen during the beginning phases of one can cause me to feel bad in all sorts of ways sometimes.

another explanation is that i dreamt. a lot. this is good in many ways. it means i am making up for the reduced sleep pretty well, first and foremost, so i am progressing in my adaptation. it also helps me be creative and process the previous parts of the day. with each nap i kill my previous self and awaken not just renewed but remade. the old self is processed and distilled, and out comes something new. it is very good.

the dreams were especially creative this nap, which is good because it helped me feel better about my creativity again. it also gave me ideas. and threw out others. it also reduced some worries i was having. overall a great experience.

i am now more motivated again. the despair is still there, but it is there less, and i can bear it now.

i am now listening to music, it is also helping.