i do now know. i do not know everything, but i do know more than before. this is normal. i do that very frequently. but in this case it is especially worth mentioning: i will not be going to that mental health clinic. i neither particularly need it, nor think they can help me properly, nor do i trust them enough to open up enough to be able to be helped. to open up i need a place where i feel safe enough, which i wont in such a place.

i know another thing: i cant know anything. but i can pretend to, and i will.

i know another thing: i quite enjoy being alone some days but not others. i should use this in such a way that i structure my life in a way where i have frequent changes in how many people i am around.

i know another thing: i have now got the new laptop, portablethunder. it is quite nice. i reframed pcp as a backup machine now, which makes it feel less like i am abandoning it. i enjoy the new device; though it still doesnt feel quite like it is truly a friend, or part of myself. but this is fine, it will in due time.

i will continue to not answer the call to write a gui thing. the state of software is still continuing to deteriorate, and thus i am getting ever closer to abandoning the gui even more and more and more and abandoning the rest too and relying on the few things that arent Like That yet and eventually abandoning that too and writing everything myself. but that wont happen for several years unless i figure out how to build a whole laptop. maybe it will happen sooner after all.