i might go to a mental health clinic some time the next years. i simultaneously do not want to go there and want to go there, it seems like both a really horrible time and a really enjoyable one. i know i am not normal and do not desire to be, but going to such an institution would likely mean being somewhat forced to act more normally at times where i might not want to. on the other hand it is relatively likely that i will actually enjoy it there: i would be getting assistance where i currently have issues. but the question is whether i even want said assistance and whether it can actually help me.

i dont know.

i could probably leave at any point by default, but i dont know whether this is guaranteed and such, and i dont really trust the medical system to be respectful of deviation anymore (because it has shown itself not to be several times).

i dont know. it would probably be good if i was guaranteed to be treated with respect and dignity, but this might not in fact be guaranteed. so i dont know.