tomorrow my final exams begin. i dont know what to say about it since really it is incredibly unremarkable - i go there, i do what i can, i leave. not really a very complicated process, not really worth stressing over because i know i will be able to pass them.
but the surroundings of this process are unfortunately more complex. i have been doing polyphasic sleep again, mostly under the assumption that i will not need to go to school any longer. this is mostly true, but now i have 5 days where i do need to go, each a week or so apart. i have a nap scheduled precisely before the exam starts, ending right when the exam begins. what do i do about this? i am not done with my adaptation so tiredness is to be expected. what do i do about this?
i have a few choices. my choice will probably a core extension and skipped n1. but this is a terrible deal, probably. but ill have to work through this one way or another, so might as well do it in the best bad way i can come up with.
but there are more stressors. i feel generally a bit overwhelmed by the idea of having to do another 6h exam, not to mention 4 of them. my mind really enjoys tormenting me with the future when it comes to inevitabilities like this. its not technically inevitable, but it might as well be because im not quitting this close to the finish line. and so it torments me indeed.
furthermore i feel generally quite uncomfortable in my body at the moment because i have frankly been eating awfully the past few days. it was good for a while, but the last 2 days have been dominated by crisps entirely. it was probably a coping mechanism for the impending doom. there are also other issues, like me needing to shower either today or tomorrow because i didnt do it yesterday because it didnt feel necessary then. i dont really mind showering, but its another thing i need to do, another thing that bugs me until i have done it, and specifically one that for irrational reasons i dont want to do. it feels too inactive, even though it isnt. i suppose most of the issue comes from drying off afterwards which is just never comfortable. another part is that i dont feel like doing anything "not worth my time" right now since i have so little before tomorrow. this is my biggest self-own: my instincts keep using time against me again and again and again.