i have forgotten how to be entertained.

in my recent quest for doing more creation and less consumption, i have somewhat forgotten how to let myself be entertained without getting the urge to do something myself. unfortunately, i cannot always make something lest i become frustrated with my lack of good ideas. i need to let it breathe. i need to make space.

i have fallen into the trap of wanting to do too much again. it was with coding, then it was with writing. i need to do nothing sometimes. when i have an idea that burns to be made, i can make it. when i dont, i dont need to force myself to make something regardless. i need to practice consumption too.

but most consumption is extremely worthless. i have no reason to pass my days on discord or youtube. but yet i need to pass my days sometimes. not always with creation, not always with consumption. sometimes with hedonism, sometimes with work. if i dont balance it, constantly staying somewhere in the middle ground, where i create, but i dont care to create, and consume, but dont want to consume, i lock myself into a state of perpetual imprisonment. today i will consume until i feel the burning need to create, knowing exactly what to start with.