i have realized something.

the way i write code kind of feels like a new (at least from what i can tell) art style, just for computer language instead.

i write very, very differently to most programmers. i dont know quite how to explain it. im not sure if it is more (or less?) artistic? i want to think about the way this works.

my code is usually very purpose-specific. its meant for something. its also usually unmistakably mine; usually people mean this in a negative way, but i think its actually quite good. some people have told me it is extremely unreadable, but i and some other people heavily disagree.

but none of these are a style by themselves. i still cannot find a way to describe it as a style.

it could be described as minimalist, but it is more than that.
it could be described as clean, but look deeper and it is messy.
it could be described as messy, but look deeper and it is clean.
it could be described as terse, but look deeper and it is very expressive.
it could be described as expressive, but look deeper and it is very terse.

it is neither "clean code", nor "practical, minimalist, terse code", not even entirely brutalist. most "terse" code i see ends up being elitist unreadable garbage cut to fit exact metrics, but most clean code is full of overabstractions and tries to be a warm blanket for the mind. it is gentle yet unclear and it gives headaches. its like a blurry image with barely readable text in the background, yet that blurred unreadable text is the centerpiece of the image.

but my code is not soft in this way. this is why i have been taking a liking to calling it hard instead, it has a clear scope, exact corners, and an unconventional yet very clear shape. it does not fit most metrics because it cannot be measured so reductively, but it can nonetheless be understood. it is efficient where most add tens of layers of abstraction, yet it is often inefficient where "optimization" would be easy, purely for reasons of personal style and preference. it does things in "bad" ways because those are more in line with my vision.

quite a bit of this is the result of my desire for low compile times and readability. i cannot afford to use a library for most things that are ordinarily delegated to them, so i need to come up with something better, yet readable, clear, and short enough to be worth my time writing. a brutalist building built from clean sheet metal and fallen trees from the area, decorated with flowers.

it defies labeling, much like me.