good evening.

i feel surprisingly free. ditching discord was definitely one of the better decisions ive made these weeks. i dont and probably can never feel fully free, but i feel more free now than before.

the big advantage of deplatforming myself is that i now own what i create. my words are mine. they are on my hard drive only, i can (mostly) delete them if i want. i can also decide who to show them to. i can download them as many times and as quickly as i want. no chat exporter needed. but i probably dont even want to download all of them. most of my words are worthless.

in fact, most words in total are worthless. the value only really exists in communication and enjoyment. most words spoken or written are doing very little of both, they are entertainment. as i am writing this self, i am deriving enjoyment for myself and communication with myself from the process. others may derive those as well, because these words have within them some thoughts that others may also like to think.

creativity is what we call it when we make writing and other forms of creation more enjoyable and maybe more communicative. its everything that isnt the informational part of the process, including the way the informational part is twisted into being understandable or less than boring. when i write selves, i dont usually use the exact writing style i use for a message on delta chat. selves are longer, they contain more thoughts, and they tend to be more fun to write because i wrap the information in ways that i find more interesting.

i do this by stealing from others and then changing it in ways that i find more fun, or more like what i want to appear as. i take many ideas from many places, i merge those that i like, i specifically make sure to do the opposite of those i dont like (das macht sinn finde ich), and then i mangle it until i like what it looks and feels like. i couldve said "change" instead of "mangle" but i wanted to paint the process as a little bit more violent than the neutrally connotated term implies. in order to make it into what i want, i have to devour it first because i need to delete what i do not like and i have to combine what i do and i need to make it not entirely a copy of what i did last time.

of course, i could make it a copy of what i did last time, but i usually do not like what i did last time enough to want to keep it as-is. and usually i saw new things i liked in-between and want to insert some ideas from there into the New Self.

last few selves, i tended to call them posts.
but they are not just posts.
i wanted to call them texts.
but they are not just texts.
i wanted to call them ideas.
but they are not just ideas.
they are selves
frozen in time
and digested
and i like the ambiguity.

i felt bored with the rest of this self's formatting.
so i changed it up.
and i added more repetition.
and i did that because repetition can make things more interesting.
and i added more repetition.
and i did that because we love repetition.

you can do what you like too. but you first need to be ready to show that you like it, at least to yourself.