tudbut

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today i will be slightly more respectful of those readers who might not want to indulge in reading but rather want to consume information. as such, i am adding headings, and not of the symbolic kind.

am i trans

i dont really know what to think about gender recently. as much as i used to cling to the category of being a woman, i am very sick of them now. thus, i wonder: am i trans?

what i am

i know some things. i exist in what we refer to as the real world. i am an object. i am a human. i am a person. i am a biological machine.

but what am i, gender wise?

biologically, i am neither and both.
socially, i am neither and both.
sexually, i am asexual.

what i want to be

one of the issues i face is i dont know what i want to be. it honestly feels like a worthless question. it changes nothing. i can ask what i want to do. but i cannot ask what i want to be. by doing i be, but being shall not influence my doing, so why bother?

i dont think i care about what i am enough to care about putting a name to it. in fact, putting a name to it would only restrict me. it grants no freedoms to build a wall around yourself.

i do think i care enough about what i am to want to explicitly NOT put a strict label on it. i dont want your expectation. your expectations can go fuck themselves.

what do i do

i perform womanhood, mostly, except i do that only when it suits me. i also take hrt.

i am

i am outside of the man and woman dimensions. i do not wish to participate, but i also do not want to label myself as "i do not wish to participate". i am not agender. i am whatever you say, and nothing you say, and everything i say, and nothing i say, and everything and nothing.

but that means im a woman, and thats is not what i was assigned at birth. so: i am trans.

am i cis

this might be a silly question; but am i cis? i mean, i could be. i am a man after all and thats what my ID says. so: i am cis.

but im not cis.

clearly, i am not cis. its pretty obvious if you look at me and i tell you what my agab is. but am i still cis?

kinda

im both cis and trans. and neither. and both. and neither.

i do some trans things. i do some cis things. i do many of both.

no im not

im neither trans nor cis. i dont want your silly little name for what i am. i am nothing. stop thinking about what i am and start paying attention to what i do. and then immediately stop doing that and realize that you dont need to give a shit.

tumblr & beyond

some years ago, on tumblr, a movement began. every single queer identity got a label. every single queer nonidentity got a label. every single [----] got a label. every got a label. every a label.

why?

why did they do that?

self expression does not require a word to describe the form of self expression youre about to perform.

this is not a movie. there is no script you need to find. or follow. or write. or read. or consider, even.

so why did they do that?

stop giving yourself numbers.

the page is empty, start writing and then burn the page and write the next.

nothing

i am not cis, i am not trans, i am not gay, i am not straight, i am not bigender, i am not agender, i am not omnigender, i am nothing. i do not exist. i am an idea of the present, instantly faded into the past. i do what i want.

everything

i am cis, i am trans, i am gay, i am straight, i am bigender, i am agender, i am omnigender, i am everything. i exist. i am an idea of the present, instantly faded into the past. i do what i want.

all at once

if you succumb to the urge of labeling me, you put me into a box. but the only box i will be put in is every box at once, and also i will not be put into a box. your labels sicken me. one more "but youre a woman now, why are you still using your voice from before voice training" and i drive my axe into your flesh and twist and turn and tear and ask your corpse for its gender and it will not answer.

i am not a woman now, i am a woman now, i am a man still, i was never a man, i am you, i am me, i control the universe, i am insignificant, i am all the genders and none of them and gender doesnt exist.

the genderbread person & quantum physics

what inspired this was the genderbread person. i am not a genderbread person. the genderbread person has a fixed number of dimensions and is at a clear point on each of them.

> do not participate.

i am the quantum superstate of gender. everything, everywhere, nothing, nowhere, all at once, none at all. you cannot measure me. if you measure, you will find yourself with a momentary measurement of the now past, no longer valid, no longer useful, not even a measurement at all.